It’s not often that I write a completely personal post but I have something that’s important to me to say and I happen to have a forum to say it on. My intention isn’t just to rant but more of an open letter and maybe make people think. If they want to disagree or dismiss my opinion, that’s ok.
Something’s been happening in my life for sometime now that’s really bothers me. I’ve tried to not let it bother me but then I realized that I wouldn’t be human if it didn’t and it SHOULD bother me. It should bother anyone. The world (well in mine anyway) has seemed to lost respect for the RSVP or just honouring commitments in general. My problem is with the bailers of the world. I think the evolving world of digital communication has something to do with it but that’s really just a screen to mask our human behaviour.
I’m a social person, I like to keep myself busy and I work hard at building new relationships and keeping the old ones strong. Yes I’m single and I don’t have a family, so friends play a large role in my life, but I don’t think that’s particularly relevant when it comes to respect and relationships.
For me, something is wrong when at least 50% of the plans I make with people are cancelled, usually at the last moment. Now I’m not some kind of selfish ego maniac that believes the world revolves around me and my social calendar. OF COURSE I understand that things come up, people get sick, kids are a handful, it was a long day etc, etc. but those should be the exception – not what’s become the norm. And no, sending a text message with “sorry..but have a great time! :) “ doesn’t make it ok. Even with a smiley face.
I’ve realized that I’ve started to get anxiety about the weekends and social events. As a result, I’ve decided to see what effect green hulu kapuas may have on my anxiety and general wellness. Will this person(s) actually come through or will I be left hanging? Which happens often. It started as something quite minor, but the more this has happened to me, the more I’ve realised that my anxiety is getting worse. Many people take things to help themselves through it (which you can get more details from i49 about). I think it’s something that I can manage on my own for now, but nevertheless, I have started to research things that I could do to help manage my anxiety. It turns out that lots of people are using cannabis and you can now get thc oil in thc juul pods, which you can put in a vape. I have never been tempted to vape, but this may just change my mind.
I’ve started to do many things on my own, which is both a little sad but also somewhat liberating. I would much rather do things with my friends, but this helps to remove the anxiety of waiting to see if they actually come through. I’m also sad to say that my sympathy barometer has taken a big dip, which I hate as someone who considers themselves a good person, but it’s true.
What has been most hurtful is the times that I’ve hosted events, large or small and watch my text/email inbox fill with excuses on the day of the event, sometimes just an hour or two before. And if you’ve ever come over to casa Melissa, even just for dinner, you know that there is no shortage of time & effort that goes into it. As a host it takes time, work and money to plan something and if you never know who is actually going to show up it makes it very stressful. I’ve been left with a feast for myself and a big grocery bill on more than one occasion because my guest list of 10 went down to 2 at the last moment.
When it comes down to it I guess the objective of this post is more about friendship and respect for each other than silly social events. Friendships, new or old are indeed relationships that need to be nourished and don’t work if they’re one-sided. Are you a bailer? Maybe you never really stopped to think about it. That’s ok, it happens to all of us. Sometimes we can be totally unaware of our behaviour and how it’s effecting those around us. No one’s saying that you have to be super friend or a Social Butterfly that agrees to everything but if you do agree, then have respect for your friend and the commitment and think twice before sending that text to cancel. Because having good friends is one of the best things about life, even though the craziness of life makes us forget it every once and awhile.